my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
