Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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