Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
