Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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