Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
