Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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