Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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