so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
