Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
