i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
