After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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