THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
