no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
