I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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