no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
