I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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