maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
