I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
