Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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