so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
operation have a gay friend backfired
bring money and cleavage
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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