Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
