i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
