He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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