clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
