Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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