Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
