Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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