I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
