Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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