Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
