If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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