Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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