a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
