happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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