my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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