Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can text with my tongue
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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