who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Panties = found
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
