he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
