OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
