Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
