dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
