I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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