tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
