Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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