Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
