i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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