Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
