Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
