Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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