I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
