It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
