he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
